A glimpse into the Zombie Apocalypse

Walking back from Gastown to Chinatown, there was a woman walking ahead, short badly bleached hair and super short shorts, cut right up, showing most of her butt. Quite obviously a cheap Hastings hooker. As she came up to an alley, she started yelling "Gimme my money! Gimme my money, you bitch!"

This hugely fat woman lumbered out of the alley, reaching for her, as Blondie ducked, still yelling at her, "Gimme my 20 bucks!" and as she saw us, "Call 911!" I didn't see anything worth calling the police over, so I just watched as we kept walking.

Moving past the alley Goliath had come from, I heard scuffling and banging, and my attention was drawn there.  Shambling out of the darkness was a group of addicts so hideous, I swore I was seeing the zombie apocalypse happening before my very eyes. There were about ten of them scuffling from the cracks of the buildings, eyes black and vacant, bodies barely controlled, arms hanging almost disconnected, and necks cricked over. I could imagine they were all thinking "BRAAAAAAIIIIIIINS!" But I expect it was something more like "FIGHT!"

I was now afraid for Blondie. Goliath had her in her massive grip and was punching her, in what looked like pretty slow motion, unsteady on her gigantic feet. Goliath looked like she had some power but she was dreadfully slow. Someone other than a drug addict could have run circles around her. I figured we might have taken her, but there was no way we were getting in this fight, especially with the gang of freaks bearing down on them.

I grabbed out my cell phone, starting to call 911, sure that I was about to see Blondie ripped to pieces by the horde. All of a sudden, I saw the hellish creatures ranks spread apart, as a man walked between them, right up to Goliath, commanding her to let go. At first Goliath ignored him, intent on her kill, but he kept yelling at her, pulling on her arms, until she looked up, and let go, almost in surprise.

With freedom and life upon her, Blondie ran off into the alley, yelling back over her shoulder, "You better gimme my money, you bitch!" as the darkness swallowed her up. The zombies sank into themselves, disappearing back into their crevices. Goliath looked back and  forth down the street. I swore she was about to roar and beat on her chest. Instead she lumbered back into the darkness where the others had disappeared.

17 Ways to Be Happier in 2012? I'd cut out all those lists!

My response to the article at http://abundance-blog.marelisa-online.com/2011/12/13/ways-to-be-happier-in-2012/

I've always been a pretty happy person, but have definitely had my unhappy times. Some of the points on this list are just part of my nature ... but others are just never gonna be a part of my regimen. The list is just too listy!

First off, I just adore sleep. I almost always get enough ... except when I have a deadline (like everytime I am about to go on vacation) and have to pull an all-night work session, or when I'm somewhere exciting that is open 24 hours (Hello Las Vegas!) where I can't stand to miss anything. Not missing stuff is a very good reason to miss some sleep, in my opinion.

Happiness journals just make me roll my eyes at their fake-depth, Oprah, 90's style fashion. I'm a programmer, and live on the beauty of logic, so there is just no way you'll get me to give up "If-then" thinking! I do see the point ... be happy now, don't base it on a future occasion. I'll give them a half point ... if I were grading, which I'm not ... because grades are counterproductive to happiness. How do I know this? Is it on the list? No, as a matter of fact, it isn't, but it is a much better idea than writing a happiness journal!

I've written dream/bucket lists and they just seem silly to me. I want to do everything, but I'll settle on doing lots of stuff in a rather random style. I don't need written lists to guide me, my dreams do that just fine!

I love my work, and I love that I am constantly learning. That's something I agree with, and my if-then logic has me always breaking down tasks into steps. Hah! Again, the if-then is a good state of mind!

Definitely I agree with the need to overcome perfectionism. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. You visit other cultures where they aren't as well off as we are, aren't as clean, as pristine, as new, and well ... not as perfect. But you see they are healthy, and happy, and live just fine lives. It makes you feel ... well, it makes ME feel, like I don't need as much, like I want to go home and simplify things. Which ...

Oh! That's number 11! I'll skip ahead for a moment. This is the part when I show I can go out of the linear, if-then, must follow a pattern style I am most happy with. I've been simplifying my thoughts and my need for things the last few years, trying to decide what is most important, what are things we need, versus what we want. We need travel, clothes, food, water, housing, and transportation. We need computers, books, bikes and backpacks. I didn't need a new huge-screen, 3-D television for Christmas, and I'd probably have a hard time arguing that a kayak is a need, rather than a want, but well, sometimes you have to fall off the strict regimen, and increase your daily pleasure! Woohoo! That just happens to be number 9!

Okay, so they want you to make another list. I think that's bogus. I don't need a list of daily pleasures. I need to take part in daily pleasures! I'll fill my extra time with experiences I enjoy while the blogger who wrote this can keep writing lists. Not that I'm against lists, mind you. They are great for shopping, for work tasks, for menial to-do items. I just don't want to get so constricted by making lists of what I want to do to be happy that I miss the time to do the things that make me happy!

I enjoy being kind to others, of course. If I found an argument against that, I'd be labeled a monster. I definitely agree that when you do something nice for someone it makes you feel really good. That leads right into number 10 ... exercise! Wow, if I don't exercise, I'm definitely a monster. Ugly, scary, mean ... and that's just to myself! Exercise should be number 1, or well, number 2. Sleep is pretty damn important, after all.

And that brings us back to number 1, a nice round, rather sporadic circle of happiness, without any lists!